Welcome to Day 27 of the 20/20 Life Vision Challenge! Relationship Dreams.
Back on Day 17, you took stock of the current state of your relationships. Today, with our resident Relationship Expert – Ron Baker – who I can attest to from my own experience, we take that topic forward into your 20/20 Vision. I use the words “Vision” and “Dreams” interchangeably throughout this journey because they both connote going deeper into the core of your being (your soul), beyond the mind and intellect. If you do this whole program from a level of thinking alone, without deep, internal soul searching, then your results will be superficial and limited. At every step of the way, we encourage you to go deeper. When it comes to romantic love, our relationship with parents and family, and also our friendships, it can often be hard and painful to go deep. Nobody is better at taking us through those delicate emotions than Ron Baker.
I hope that you learned a great deal from doing the first relationship inventory, as your relationships are at the core of every dream that you have. There is no such thing as creating in a vacuum and it is when we come together to support one another in mutual value that everyone serves the perfect parts of one another’s dreams.
When we start to deepen our value of self, we can then enhance how we value and interact with others in the balance of giving and receiving. This is when the quality of our lives takes on a deeper, more fulfilling reality.
Others have already hinted that it is not having more money or bigger outer structures that will guarantee greater fulfilment. That is an internal experience. So for todays exploration of relationships, we will talk a bit about learning to nurture and communicate feelings.
We live on a planet that has had primitive emotional tools and education. However, I have witnessed 100% of my clients making major improvements in the quality of their lives, as their learn to reconnect to the emotional/experiential body.
When it comes to relationships, I want to share that I do not believe in magical thinking. I believe that an enhanced reality is built by making a clear investment in the specific goals and experiences that we decide are important in our lives. Whatever we practice the most is what we become best at. And so I hope you will find this exploration of your relationship choices helpful; and that you will feel encouraged with some specific hints at building a more fulfilling relationship network in your life. I know it is entirely possible, one day at a time.
DAY 27 ASSIGNMENT:
Relationship to Self
- The first way I want to encourage a healthier flow of giving and receiving is to take deep, proactive breaths. As you breathe IN, you receive. As you breathe OUT, you assert or give back to life. So take a deep breath in the nose, filling up the lower belly. Then breathe fully out of the mouth with an open, dropped jaw. Do this fully in both directions. This will show your nervous system how safe you are do engage in the act of giving and receiving. This is the foundational work.
- Now ask yourself what you discovered in the first inventory about how you have typically treated yourself in the last five years? Is that reality where you want to find yourself in 2020?
- 2b. If not, then creating some interruptions of the old that does NOT work, AND replacing those old choices with new ones is what will create a new trust and a new experience. List out a few of those replacement self-thoughts that you intend to actualize going forward – (i.e. Old Thinking = “Missed another workout today. I am so lazy.” vs. New Thinking = “Maybe I’m not getting enough rest. I’m going to take it easy on myself today, and give it another shot tomorrow.”) We are not encouraging excuse making or rationalizations in your internal dialogue; just an honest self-view, with a nurturing intention.
- 2c. Describe your relationship to self in 2020.
- Replacing your habitual negative thinking (internal messages) with purposely looking for things to acknowledge about yourself. This can be simply, small things. So scan your life and get in a daily practice of acknowledging yourself.
I am proud of myself for ___THIS ACTION___ that I took (at some point).
I feel great that I chose __________ or that I treated someone well or ________.
I want to acknowledge my gift/talent/ability ___________________.
Find things that encourage a consistent, positive, and self-affirming view of yourself.
Write a few down several days in a row. Repeat that for several weeks, until it becomes a more natural part of your life. This is GIVING to self… and letting yourself feel the impact of those positive, honest messages will enhance how you receive.
- Final piece of your relationship to self. Get used to stopping several times a day to ask yourself: “What are 3 feelings that I am feeling right now in this moment?” To get a list of feelings with some wonderful clues, visit http://www.ronbaker.net/feelings/
Treat yourself like you treat the others in your life whom you truly care about as a starting place.
RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS
- What did you discover from your first inventory about giving and receiving with others from the last 5 years? Is that where you would like to find yourself in 2020?
- 5b) If not, then are you willing to interrupt old choices that no longer serve you AND replace them with healthier alternatives?Begin with looking at the exercise we have just done with giving to yourself through positive reinforcements (self-acknowledgment).
- 5c) PREPARE for moments to come with your various relationships, by making yourself aware of some of the things you value and appreciate about others. Name 3 different people you value. Now name 3 specific things you appreciate and value about each one. When you have a moment of connection with each of those people, be willing to share out loud ONE thing that you appreciate about them.
- 5d) Describe the state of your relationships in 2020, focusing on these 3 as well as other core relationships.
- 5e) What have you done by 2020 to heal and repair the relationships that you noted have regressed in the Day 17 Assignment?
The more you practice, the better you will get and the more you will build this new potential in your life.
- In order to create a balance of what you give, what specific needs are you aware of that you have in your life (physical, emotional or mental needs)? List them here, at least 3 for each category (physical, mental, emotional). As you learn to identify those needs, it becomes safe to then communicate them one at a time to others.
- 6b) Start with naming ONE need. Are you willing to communicate this need to another person, allowing yourself to receive the support? Start with simple things, to build up confidence. (i.e. I need help with moving some furniture around in my living room. I need a shoulder rub. I need someone to listen while I vent about something that just happened.) Once YOU identify the need, then you can look to your support structure to begin to practice mutual giving and receiving.
- Meditate on and come up with one 20/20 Relationship Vision for the world. This could revolve around how people all over the world treat each other, or deal with groups of people (i.e. families, specific societies/cities, countries), internally or externally (i.e. foreign relations).
If you simply ask yourself, would I be willing to offer the same thing to this friend/loved one in a similar way to how I am asking them to help support me?
If the answer is yes, then you are well on your way to building a deeper, meaningful support structure in your life.
Thank you Ron, for another inspiring piece of guidance for our 20/20 Life Vision adventurers! If you have any other questions about next steps you can take to enhance the quality of relationships in your life, I encourage you to visit Ron’s personal development website @ http://ronbaker.net. See you all tomorrow for Day 28! Only 3 days left here – don’t forget 2015 is not done yet, and you still have a few days to get some of your goals for this year over the top, and teed up well for whatever the next steps are in 2016.